I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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