Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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