i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
