please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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