my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
