Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
