apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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