There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
