Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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