and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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