ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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