You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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