This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
