Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
