i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
