what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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