Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
