lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
