Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
