we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
