I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
