I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
