if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
