im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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