Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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