I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think your dad took our porno
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
