Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
