tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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