I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
