Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize