i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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