Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
