you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
