roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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