Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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