apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
