I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
