I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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