So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
