a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
