i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
