btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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