At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
