No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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