ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize