Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
