Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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