I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
