I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
