your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
