don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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