he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
