i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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