6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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