I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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