I bet he comes in French.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
