Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
