i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
